


crown of flowers

by eternaluniverse



Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Academy Era memories, Angst, Dancing, Embedded Images, F/F, Fanart, Fluff, Friendship, Gallifrey, Hurt/Comfort, Prison, Violence, and unfortunatly they're still very bad at it, as always the Doctor and the Master need to talk!, the aftermath of the timeless children
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-23
Updated: 2021-02-01
Packaged: 2021-03-15 18:47:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 16,054
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28943193
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eternaluniverse/pseuds/eternaluniverse
Summary: When Missy wakes up in a prison cell, she already knows deep down that something is terribly wrong. A woman tells her the story of a shepherd boy and Missy can’t shake the feeling off, that she should knew this familiar stranger.A dark future is lurking in the shadows, taunting her useless feelings, and makes sure, that she never forgets that she is the Master.
Relationships: The Doctor/The Master (Doctor Who), Thirteenth Doctor/Missy, Thirteenth Doctor/The Master (Dhawan), Twelfth Doctor/Missy
Comments: 27
Kudos: 56
Collections: Fiftieth Masterversary Big Bang





	1. shepherd

**Author's Note:**

> 50 years ago, our all time favourite villain, the Doctor’s best enemy, disappeared for the first time – only to appear in every single episode of season 8 to torment ~~cheer~~ the Doctor ~~up~~ during his exile on Earth.  
> Over fifty years after his first onscreen appearance the Master is still very much alive – and regarding his history that’s definitely a reason to celebrate. And to celebrate her birthday, Missy, who happened to be my first Master, decided to jump out of her timeline to make sure she gets a masterful birthday.  
> 
> 
> This was written for the [Fiftieth Masterversary Big Bang ](https://dwmasters.tumblr.com/) – many thanks to the mods for organising such a brilliant project. I had so much fun working on this since July and met the most amazing people during this time. Most important the fabulous [Lukifisk](https://www.instagram.com/lukifisk/) whose art is going to accompany this story. Do me a favour and check out his social media accounts [Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/lukifisk/), [Tumblr](https://lukifisk.tumblr.com/) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/lukifisk/) in the meantime!
> 
> The story was betaed by [ ThirteenOakdown](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThirteenOakdown) – thank you!
> 
> I hope you enjoy this story as much as I had fun writing it.  
> 

The humming filled the whole room, the floor was vibrating, and the Mistress was groaning.

“Shut. Up.” She managed through clenched teeth. The humming continued. Even worse, someone was _singing_.

Her fingers moved over the ground but instead of silky bed sheets, they scratched over stone. Missy jolted upwards, only to regret it immediately.

“Nope. Too tired.” She slumped back to the cold floor, but her head wouldn’t stop spinning.

She forced her eyes open, staring at a dirty ceiling. How did she end up here? She hadn’t even done anything, just had a picnic on Marado during their endless war but that room was clearly a prison cell. The scratchy _something_ she was wearing confirmed her last doubts.

“Not in the mood.” She groaned again, and the howling got worse.

“Stop, or I’m disassembling you!”

Her neighbour either didn’t hear her or just didn’t care. Missy rolled to her side, forcing her aching body to move upwards even though her head was killing her.

She stumbled towards the little window and groaned even more. Her day was getting worse and worse.

Missy knew that useless prison, built on an asteroid, led by far too many Judoons.

“I was only picnicking!” She hissed, turning away from the spinning world. Not that the spinning got better, someone had clearly hit her over the head. Really hard.

And that whining person wasn’t helping.

She flopped to the ground. There was no way she could disassemble the door with such an aching head.

Missy had just decided that it was best to hypnotise herself into a healing trance when she realised what the sad voice was singing.

Again, she jolted upwards, stumbling across the room. She was imagining things, wasn’t she?

There was no way a strange prisoner was singing a Gallifreyan funeral song. Instinctively her mind was reaching towards the woman, but, of course, the walls were telepathy-proof, so there was no way of telling who she was.

The Rani?! No, Ushas wouldn’t _sing_.

With Gallifrey back in the sky there were too many options and none of them were good. It could even be a future version of herself – no, no way, she would at least hit some of the right notes!

What a stupid day. Missy had planned to find the Doctor, they could have had such a good time.

But no, now she was trapped with a terrible singer, a possible Time Lord and an aching head.

“Why _today_?!” She groaned again and decided to drown her new neighbour out, humming her own song.

The non-existent peace didn’t hold long when the strangers singing changed to talking.

She had a rich voice which would have sounded nice if she hadn’t been that hoarse. Missy closed her eyes, trying to ignore her nonsensical mumbling.

“I know you.” The woman sounded terribly exhausted and a giggle seemed to escape her. “You’re so, so bad. Leave me alone, Missy.”

The Mistress frowned. Did she just say her name?

“Who are you?” She demanded but all she got was hoarse laughter.

“Hey Missy, you’re not so fine, you’re not so fine.” The woman sang out of tune, her voice breaking with the last words and Missy felt her hearts pounding in her chest. 

“Do you want to hear a story?” The woman sounded tired. She was stumbling over the words and something in her voice made her think that she was actually mad. But it wasn’t Missy to judge that.

“No, actually. Shut up!”

Of course, she started to talk.

“There was once upon a time a shepherd boy whose fame spread far and wide because of the wise answers which he gave to every question. The King of the country heard of it likewise, but did not believe it, and sent for the boy. Then he said to him, ‘If you can give me an answer to three questions which I will ask you, I will look on you as my own child, and you shall dwell with me in my royal palace.’”

With her aching head and without the telepathic circuit of her TARDIS it took Missy a while to get the woman’s words, because she was speaking... German? There she was, trapped on a flying asteroid and met a woman who spoke a language from _Earth_!

“Oh, this day can’t get worse…” Missy moaned.

“The boy said, ‘What are the three questions?’” 

Missy groaned, buried her head between her knees. “Shut up, oh shut up!” The stinging got worse, but her new neighbour decided to continue talking.

“The King said, ‘The first is, how many drops of water are there in the ocean?’ The shepherd boy answered, ‘Lord King, if you will have all the rivers on earth dammed up so that not a single drop runs from them into the sea until I have counted it, I will tell you how many drops there are in the sea.’”

“Uhhh, Lord.” Missy mocked the woman. “I used to be a Lord. I was a great Time Lord.”

For a moment Missy was consumed with memories – of red fields, two sunrises, silver leaves and… and Theta – that she nearly missed the king’s next _stupid question._

“The King said, ‘The next question is, how many stars are there in the sky?’”

Missy groaned. “Are you finished yet? Because that’s the stupidest question ever! The universe isn’t just _there_! It changes all the time! You would never be able to count all the stars.”

Even Theta had asked that question with joy in his eyes but other than the stupid king and his shepherd boy he had given a physically correct answer.

“The shepherd boy said, ‘Give me a great sheet of white paper’ and then he made so many fine points on it with a pen that they could scarcely be seen, and it was all but impossible to count them; anyone who looked at them would have lost his sight. Then he said, ‘There are as many stars in the sky as there are points on the paper; just count them.’ But no one was able to do it.”

“But no one was able to do it.” Missy aped after the woman only to frown. 

Wait. 

She had no idea what her fellow prisoner was talking about, but she recognised that it was a human tale and she only knew one person who, millennia ago in another time and place, boasted about the brothers Grimm and how he would meet them one day. 

Before Missy could think about it her hands were knocking a well-known rhythm on the wall. 

Knock. Knock. Knock. Knock. 

Silence, just for a moment before the woman whispered her next words: “The King said ‚The third question is, how many seconds of time are there in eternity?’”

Theta had never been able to understand the boy’s answer. 

_Knock. Knock. Knock. Knock._

The reply was barely audible, but of course, the Mistress heard it. She closed her eyes, the realisation who was telling her that story hit hard. 

“Wait!” She demanded but she didn’t listen. As always, she didn’t listen.

“Then said the shepherd boy, ‘In Lower Pomerania is the Diamond Mountain, which is two miles and a half high, two miles and a half wide, and two miles and a half in depth; every hundred years a little bird comes and sharpens its beak on it, and when the whole mountain is worn away by this, then the first second of eternity will be over.’”

The woman’s voice – the _Doctor’s_ voice – broke, barely audible anymore.

“Oh by Rassilon, Doctor,” Missy whispered, a lump appearing suddenly in her throat. Nobody but her was allowed to make that beautiful voice break like that.

“The King said, ‘You has answered the three questions like a wise man and shall henceforth dwell with me in my royal palace, and I will regard thee as my own child.’”

“Doctor.”

A hoarse laugh was all she got.

And somehow that scared Missy more than she would ever admit. The Doctor didn’t just _laugh_ like that. The Doctor would try to disabuse her with useless phrases or show her frustration, but she would never just _laugh_.

“Oh, my dear Doctor, what happened?”

And finally, she answered, voice sharp as a knife. “You.” The Doctor laughed. “You happened.”

That was just rude and all the worry she hadn’t admitted to herself left as fast as it came. “That’s not really fair, dear. Let’s talk like grownups, don’t you think?”

More strange laughter, shaking in the end as if the Doctor was actually crying. Missy had always had troubles to differentiate between these emotions, so similar in sound and body language.

“Where are we, dear?” She tried more gently this time but still no answer, only silence. “Doctor?”

Silence.

“Because the last time I saw you, you were all eyebrows and left me on Skaro. I’m still tremendously angry about that, by the way. But let’s not dwell about horrible things, dear.”

Nothing.

“How’s your pet? Still mad about being a Dalek. She was a great Dalek.”

The Doctor threw something against the wall.

Alright, so pet Clara was possibly dead.

“My condolences, dear. But now we can move on to the important things, don’t you think?”

At this, the Doctor laughed darkly. And this time she definitely laughed. Missy could feel it down her whole spine because she hadn’t even known that _her Doctor_ was able to produce such an evil noise.

“Oh, yeah. Goodbye Missy.”

Missy, who had started to walk around the small cell, sank with her back to the wall that separated her from the Doctor. What was wrong with her? The Doctor was never so… cruel while talking to her. 

“Tell me about your new body. Can’t wait to see it.”

“Oh, there we go again.” The voice snapped back. 

Missy could imagine the Doctor, forehead pressed to the wall, whispering the words she tossed towards her friend in anger.

“Pretending to be my friend again and again. And I believe you. Every. Single. Time. I should know better by now.”

“Doctor?”

“Oh no, not this time, _Master_ , this time I won’t fall for your wicked game.”

“Doctor, dear. We’re both captured in prison. I mean, yes, I’m good, but _now?_ ” She ignored the fact that it would be really easy to start one of her _wicked games_ just now. 

“Leave me alone!” A growling Doctor. That was new and Missy didn’t like it at all. Not when she was the victim of her choice, without doing something in the first place. 

“Theta –"

“Don’t you dare!” The Doctor’s voice was failing. “Don’t you ever dare! You lost every right to call me that.”

Missy closed her eyes, taking deep breaths. It took all her effort not to jump to her feet and equally scream at her angry friend in frustration. The headache wasn’t helping.

“Did we have a fight, dear?” She finally asked when she was sure that another of the Doctor’s outbursts wouldn’t push her over the edge.

“How can you actually ask that? You always ruin _everything_ you… you…” Her voice broke. But Missy could tell when her friend was _this_ close to attacking her with words. And that had always been their downfall. 

Alright. Deep breaths. In and out. Again, and again. There was no need to have an outburst now, too.

“There’s no need to be that rude, my dear,” Missy replied calmly which pushed the Doctor over the edge and finally made her explode. She was just rambling – insulting Missy. It hurt more than she had thought it would.

“You with your insanity and all my efforts to help you while it would have been _so easy_ to listen to the other’s and forget you.”

“Doctor –”

“You’re _nothing_! You never were, just a pathetic excuse of a Time Lord –“

“Doctor, that’s enough!” Her voice was loud now, too, but to her increasing horror, the Doctor just continued. 

“That’s why they put the drums in _your_ head and not in mine. There wasn’t much –“

“Alright, Doctor, you better stop before you say something you can’t take back.” Missy felt like she would retch every second. This raving woman had _nothing_ to do with the boy who promised her eternity. 

“I say something _I_ can’t take back. Oh, look who’s talking, you -”

“Doctor, it’s alright. Calm down.”

Instead, the Doctor broke screaming into tears and Missy had no idea what she could do to help her. The anger that would have made her kick the wall disappeared to horror. Whatever her future-self had done – this time they went too far. 

At least it told her one thing: Now was the time where she _needed_ to break out. 

Good thing then, that the Mistress was never unprepared. And even though the guards had taken all her clothes and accessories, as always, they had forgotten her hairpins. Why had she never thought about this in previous regenerations?

Missy forced herself to grin at an imaginary Doctor with a doubtful look and started to prepare the chemicals that would burn away the lock.

Her prison top pulled over her mouth and nose, Missy kicked the door open. The acid burned in her airway and made her eyes tear up. One step after another she left the stinking room only to find herself eye to eye with a security camera.

Missy cursed silently, before a well-placed blow shattered the lens.

Alright, so no time to free the Doctor with the chemicals, they would need to work together. Moving quickly, she walked to the door next to the smoking cell, already fiddling with another hairpin in the look.

“Doctor!” Missy hissed. “Doctor, it’s me!”

No answer. Great. As if to spite her the pin broke, clogging the lock, the same moment a deafening noise started. Since when did she have that bad luck? Missy growled, the alarm shrieked, and she kicked the door. 

“Doctor!” No time for useless pleasantries, this time she was screaming, not caring anymore if someone could hear her. Or what it would do to the Doctor and her current mood. “Stop your childish sulking and help me!”

Missy dropped to the ground to push her last hairpin under the door. It was hard to say over the deafening alarm, but the Doctor still didn’t seem to react at all.

“Doctor, I need your help!”

She jumped back to her feet and finally managed to remove the hatch to take a look in the cell. She very nearly missed the imprisoned person because she had curled to a tight ball. It was the overwhelming telepathic presence screaming _Doctor_ that actually caught her attention.

It was hard to see anything of her friend’s new body, but the strands of blond hair drew a grin on Missy’s face.

“Doctor, dear!” She yelled over the loudly ringing sirens, but the Doctor still wasn’t responding. And that alone was worrying. The Doctor she knew would _never_ ignore a distress signal - even if it was just Missy, demanding for help. 

“Doctor, I need your help, come one!” She tried again, but the slumped woman on the ground didn’t even twitch, and Missy growled in frustration. They had only moments before the guards would storm the area.

Why, not for once in their shared lives, could the Doctor do what they were told? 

“You _need_ to open the lock from the inside!” A hesitating pause, before she used the last word. Her last weapon. “Please.” 

To Missy’s surprise, it actually worked. Finally, the woman looked up. She had a nice face, so much younger than her past regeneration and Missy felt her hearts flatter without her consent. But in contrast to the dreamlike face, the Doctor looked terribly pale and had a strange expression in her eyes. She mumbled something, not even focusing on Missy.

“Hey, come here, now!” Missy yelled, but to her astonishment, the Doctor laughed. It was her first real acknowledgement of her presence and she couldn’t help but feel betrayed by the way the Doctor was clearly laughing _at her_.

“You’re only going to betray me again. Go away.” The Doctor didn’t even make the effort to raise her voice, it was only because of her moving lips that Missy even knew that she was talking.

“Doctor! That’s not the time. Come here. NOW!”

The Doctor only gave her a pitiful look before she slumped back to the floor. And to Missy’s horror, the loud steps of a group of Judoon guards started to approach. They had taken their time, but it still wasn’t enough! 

“Doctor, NOW!”

“Go away.” The Doctor didn’t even raise her voice, but her anger projected the words right into her mind, as well as her hatred and feeling of betrayal.

That hurt. And not just because the mental push sent her stumbling to the ground, but because… 

Missy stumbled back to her feet, refusing to finish the thought and leaned in the cell as far as she could. “Don’t you understand, I’m going to forget you the moment I leave!” This time Missy could hear the despair in her own voice. 

“Go away, go away, you only betray me again.”

“DOCTOR!”

But her friend didn’t react at all, just lay there, flopped to the ground, almost peaceful.

Missy could see them now, the guards, heavy steps left the floor vibrating.

“I’m coming back! Promise!”

She turned around and started to run, her bare feet slapping on the cold floor. The yelling of the guards followed her while she slid through the corridors, ignoring the other prisoners, beating from the inside of their cells.

If the Doctor – just for _once_ – could behave like them. But not even in her dreams did her friend ever do what she was expected to. And so, the Mistress was chased by a troop of angry guards like a frightened animal, forced to hide in the first place she could find instead of fighting them. 

Which happened to be an escape pod – which was great – except that the man guarding it, didn’t hesitate to collide his gun with her head.

Missy’s knees gave up before she could even consider her options, but her instincts were faster, even though she barely managed to take hold of the gun with her sight instantly blurred after the blow. She still pulled the trigger, aiming blindly, but assuming by the sound of a body hitting the ground she didn’t miss.

Missy crawled the last remaining distance until she was finally able to pull herself inside the pod, slammed the door shut and immediately activated the countdown for launching.

That might have been the worst escape mission ever.

Her head hurt, and she could feel the blood soaking the back of her shirt. And even better, she had only minutes left to remember the sulking Doctor in the cell that looked at her, as if she was the monster she was accused of being. 

Even worse. As if she was a _stranger._

But without any meaningful ideas and in the hurry of a solution, Missy couldn’t afford to think about that _look_ , and tried to scratch the time-space coordinates with the broken hairpin in her arm. Her view was still far too blurred, but it felt as if she was only managing to soak her sleeve in blood.

The Mistress was cursing while she hoped at least something would be recognisable to her soon very empty mind. Blindly she tipped in the only coordinates in the controls unit that came to her mind before a nasty shockwave smacked her head against the wall.

The world went dark.


	2. friendship

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m so overwhelmed by all your positive responses! Thank you so much! I didn’t expect this story to get so much attention and it really made my day.  
> I really hope you’ll enjoy the next chapters too!

Missy didn’t even try to open her eyes. Her head felt excruciating and she would probably vomit all over the far too small room if she tried.

Wait.

_Why_ was she in a spinning escape capsule and everything _hurt_? And by Rassilon, where the hell was she going? With a groan that echoed far too loud in her ears, she forced herself to sit up, only to realise that her vision was shaking badly, white spots dancing in front of her eyes, and she went down like a shrunken human.

Missy barely managed to turn to her side, retching, while darkness took her again. 

Bang. Bang. Bang.

Missy groaned.

Bang. Bang. Bang.

Wrong rhythm. And what was happening? Slowly the world around her started to reach her stumbling mind. Something slimy was sticking to her cheek and it was _reeking_ of vomit.

As if to prove her point she started to retch weakly again.

“MISSY?”

Someone screamed and again – Bang. Bang. Bang. – Oh, her head. Her fucking head. And the evildoer didn’t even have the civility to torture her head in the right rhythm. 

Slowly, her mind tried to remember what happened. Turned out, she couldn’t remember much. She was in an escape capsule, and something – no someone – was banging on the wall.

Oh, right. 

“Doctor.” The Mistress slurred and passed out again.

Someone was lifting her head off the stinking, slimy something, brushing her hair off her forehead.

“Missy!”

A frantic hand shook her shoulder, trying to lift her. She whined, shifting in the grip.

“What have you done to yourself this time?”

Still protesting with muffled sounds, she was lifted out of her little prison, pressed against a chest with two rapid beating hearts.

Missy heard herself giggling while she felt the Doctor’s distress. He was such a fool.

The next impression was somehow confusing. Missy wasn’t sure if she was still dreaming because the warmth of the water around her body felt too peaceful to be real.

Hands moved over her head, uncoordinated hands, hands that got tangled in the attempt to wash her hair.

Missy tried to open her eyes, but all her eyelids did was to flutter weakly. The unplanned giggle however was clearly heard.

The hands stilled, and Missy could swear she was feeling the disapproving look of the Doctor on her face. 

“Missy.” He said, his voice a mixture of exhaustion and annoyance. And something else too. “Feeling better?”

Finally, she managed to pull her uncooperative eyelids apart, staring in the bright light of the reflection of too many with tiles.

The next thing was a face shoved in her field of vision, the owner unaware of the concept of personal space.

“Doctor,” Missy mumbled, trying to take advantage of the proximity of the Doctor’s face, carefully lifting her head to kiss him – of course, the bore pulled away.

Instinctively Missy tried to grip him, pulling him back, but her weak arms dropped back into the warm water.

It was only then she realised that she was naked.

A grin spread across her face, but she could only see the worry on the Doctor’s face. Yes, this was the third emotion in his voice, too. Worry.

“Oh, such a bad boy.” She giggled, realising with annoyance, that black edges started to form around her field of view. The Doctor gently took her face in his cool hands, but his face was already a blur.

“Doctor… bad, bad Doctor.” She slurred, smiling weakly while the Doctor was turning her head, trying to bring her eyes to focus. “Stay awake!” 

Missy passed out.

She could feel something heavy on her head, pressing into her skull and all at sudden Missy woke up.

NO! Not again. Her arms shot up, trying to rip the construct off her head but strong hands gripped her wrists.

Missy snarled, kicking at the someone, still unable to see a thing in the dark room, a voice far away, so far away.

She needed to get that thing away before they started poking into her brain. It would hurt horribly and she couldn’t bear the pain now.

She screamed, struggling, kicking, fighting against the someone pressing her to the – wait. Mattress?! 

“ – it’s me. It’s alright. I know you hate that. I’m sorry.” Someone was speaking nonstop.

Missy’s struggles died away, she opened her mouth to say his name, but a strangled sob escaped her.

“Welcome back. You hit your head really hard.”

A straw was pressed to her lips and Missy started to frantically drink the water.

“Take it slow.”

But Missy only followed his instruction when he threatened to pull the straw away. “Bad Doctor,” Missy mumbled again, enjoying the obvious annoyance he was radiating.

But to her surprise, she could also feel worry, and that regeneration of him wasn’t generous with this emotion.

Slowly, her hands moved back to the something on her head, but the Doctor gently stopped her again.

“Take that away!” Missy demanded, growling at him with already shuddering eyelids. But as always, the Doctor did exactly as he wasn’t told. “No, you’ve got a nasty concussion, I need to monitor your brain!”

“It hurts.” Missy slurred, trying to rip it off again.

“Missy no! I’m sure you don’t want cerebral haemorrhage.”

She heard herself whining, gripping the Doctor’s arm.

“Take it away!”

“No!”

“Stay… away.” It was hard to focus on words, the Doctor’s calming presence making it easy to drift off again. If she could only get rid of that terrible aching in her head.

“Doctor… you… can do that.”

Missy heard him sigh, knowing that she had won. With a smile, she slowly started to slide back into the darkness of sleep.

When Missy woke up again – this time to dimmed light and cool hands on her forehead – she realised that her sudden falling asleep had prevented her victory.

She would growl at the Doctor in anger, demanding he would obey her words, if she wouldn’t be that tired. Instead, Missy’s hands found the Doctor’s fingers before she allowed her exhausted body to drift off to sleep again.

Gentle words followed her through her dreamless sleep.

The Mistress sat up abruptly, still half asleep.

“What –” A muffled voice protested before hands held her shoulders when the world started spinning again. Missy allowed the Doctor to guide her down again, seeing with satisfaction that the monitoring device lay on the floor.

“Good morning, Missy.”

The Doctor appeared in front of her half-opened eyes and to Missy’s surprise, he was smiling, his ridiculous eyebrows on the border of falling off. She giggled.

“What trouble have you got yourself this time? And by Rassilon, where did you just break out?”

Missy opened her mouth, ready to counter him with a sneaky answer, only to realise with a shock, that she couldn’t remember a single thing after that first time she vomited all over herself.

“I… don’t know.”

Missy frowned, closing her eyes again.

Her tired brain tried to provide her with images of the missing time and snippets appeared – a Judoon, the burning smell of acid, running, searing pain, a screaming woman, a promise – Missy gasped.

“Missy?” A worried voice didn’t suit the Doctor. “I checked your head, you should be fine.”

And the swot he was, her friend had done everything correctly, but her guts told her that she couldn’t remember a coherent memory because of the first law of time.

Situations like that had happened much more often than Missy had expected as an ambitious young student, studying all the laws of time.

“Fine, Doctor.”

Missy mumbled, just to stop the distinct noise of his usual monologuing.

Everything was alright – apart from that uneasy feeling in her stomach and the intense press of the Doctor’s mind in her head as if he was trying to tell her something, something he _couldn’t_ tell her yet.

Missy groaned. “My head.”

The Doctor sank on the edge of the bed, watching her. “Let’s eat something.”

That was enough of a threat to hurl her into a sitting position, ignoring the sudden nausea.

“Don’t you dare!” She mumbled offended but this time the Doctor didn’t laugh, all he did was an annoyed roll with his eyes.

“I can cook! And you know it.”

“Yeah, sure you _can_ … but your taste buds regenerate in a more ridiculous direction than I ever thought was possible.”

This time a thin smile appeared on his face.

“I’ll grab the food.”

Playful grumbling, she watched the Doctor leave the room, but was instantly confused about the overwhelming feeling of disappointment as soon as the door closed.

Something _did_ happen. And her suddenly loudly pounding hearts told her that it had something to do with the Doctor. The Mistress took a deep breath, deciding that this would be a problem as soon as her head stopped sending pulses of pain and nausea.

Her eyes wandered over her body – at least the Doctor had the decency to find her more or less fitting pyjamas in a dark purple – and stopped over a bandage on her arm.

She frowned, touching the material only to flinch away from her own touch.

What happened?

Without a second thought, her fingers started to unwrap the bandage, peeling pieces of dried blood away. The Doctor must have started to close the wound with the usual advanced technology but must have forgotten about it during the process or just decided to leave it, because there was still a mess of cuts on her skin.

Missy frowned again, confused and desperate for her memories. How would she have gotten such injuries? Because she had an uneasy feeling in her guts and the cuts looked self-inflicted…

The same moment the door was opened with a bang and the Doctor came in, balancing a tray with food.

He froze when he saw her sitting there on the bed, observing the wound on her arm.

“Ah, yes.”

He placed the tray on the bedside table.

“Thought you would like to take a look at this yourself.”

Missy snarled at him. “Why would I do that?”

“Why – wait!”

Hastily he reached into his pocket and pulled a slip of paper out, giving it to her. Missy looked at him with mild surprise, before she took the notes in her hands, eyes flying over the Doctor’s scribbling.

He had written down a bunch of numbers and it took her a while to realise that it was an unfinished time-space-coordinate.

“Oh!”

Past-her had anticipated the memory loss. That realisation alone was helpful information.

“Thought so.” The Doctor said with another sigh and sat down on the bed again.

“But not now. Breakfast.”

Missy grinned weakly. “It’s morning?”

“Don’t know, don’t care. It’s a time machine.”

Missy rolled her eyes as if she didn’t know. “Well then, my dear Doctor, show me your culinary art.”

To her surprise, the Doctor actually managed to bring her food most people would consider as normal. A lot of it consisted of earth food and she couldn’t tell if this was the TARDIS annoying her, or the Doctor copying his pet’s eating habits.

It didn’t matter in the end. After being Prime Minister Missy knew to value a good breakfast and the tea, the pancakes and the scrambled egg actually convinced her taste buds. He even brought her bacon, even though Missy was quite sure that this regeneration of her friend was – _again_ – a vegetarian.

Only the garlic marmalade made her raise her eyebrows. “Doctor…?”

“I don’t remember.” Her friend grumbled.

And then, somehow, their unplanned, maybe even unappropriated breakfast turned into something Missy had no words for. But if she must have chosen something, it probably would have been _friendship_.

For a moment she considered leaning forward and kissing the Doctor, only to stop – she was still remembering that gentle way he had held her chin, kissing her before he had rejected Missy’s birthday present.

They were never meant to be like that, and now wasn’t the time.

And yet, there was still a small part inside the Mistress that would like to sling her arms around his neck and never let go.

But before her mind could drift off in this dream of impossibilities, another pulse of pain hit her. She could barely suppress a groan, but her eyes went wide in realisation, that this wasn’t the concussion, but her mind trying to tell her something.

And Missy would bet that it was the obvious warning, that somewhere in time and space the Doctor (a younger version? The one in the pinstripe suit?) needed her.

The grumpy man in front of her could wait.

As she always waited for him.

“Thanks, Doctor, but I should go.”

Her friend gave her a funny look. “Sure, Missy.” And he laughed.

She jumped to her feet, anger building up in her stomach for his ignorance, but as the Doctor probably expected, swayed as soon as her feet hit the ground.

The Doctor gently took hold of her shoulders and pushed her back to the bed.

“You need to rest. I’m not letting you leave like that.”

She growled at him in anger, already knowing all the things she wanted to say to him in protest, but there it was again, this feeling of the Doctor, of her _friend._ As if he actually cared for her. 

And that was more than she could say for everyone else in the entire universe.

Missy took a deep breath and looked in the Doctor’s old eyes. “Alright, dear.” The Mistress forced herself to say, and suddenly felt like a little boy again. “But you stay, too.”

He opened his mouth to protest, but she didn’t accept a no and something in her friend’s ancient eyes told her that behind all the fear and pain, he still remembered that boy, too.

“Alright but let me take care of your arm again.” He finally said, hesitating.

“I didn’t know that you took your medical title that seriously.” Missy grinned and allowed him to bandage the wound again. His gentle fingers felt strange on her exposed skin, after all the touch she ever felt was another battered bone, another fist in her face. 

“Lay down with me.”

She could feel and see the hesitation radiating from the Doctor and Missy reached out for him.

“ _Please_.”

This did the trick, a rarely seen warmth replacing the frown in his eyes.

The Doctor sat down on the other side of the bed, too far away from Missy for her liking, but eventually, he carefully laid down. His body was stiff, his eyes wide and he didn’t look at her, didn’t even speak a word.

Missy gave him five minutes before she carefully moved closer to him, pressing her face in his back. Instantly, his body went stiff again.

“Relax, Doctor. It’s only me.” She mumbled, took her friend’s nervously twitching hand in her own and guided their bodies until they were holding each other.

Again, the Doctor’s face was shoved in her own, but this time it felt peaceful. Many unspoken but known words swirled up between them, but now was not the time. (It was never the right time. Because centuries ago, two young men stopped telling each other about the needs of their hearts. And they would probably never again).

The Doctor closed his eyes and Missy felt herself smiling about the trust he was still giving her. She had learned during her life that this wasn’t something she could take for granted with him.

Her gaze wandered over his closed eyes and eyebrows but flickered back to his eyelashes. Her hand nearly twitched in the attempt to caress the Doctor’s cheek, but that wasn’t appropriated between them anymore. Nevertheless, this regeneration didn’t enjoy touch in the slightest. 

Instead, she started to count his eyelashes. Missy had reached 209 on his left eye when the sudden calmness of his mind told her that the Doctor drifted off to sleep.

She felt as if she should laugh, but instead a warm smile spread across her face.

The Mistress watched the Doctor sleep for a while, her own mind asking her to join her friend, to drift off and enjoy this intimacy. But there were more pressing matters.

And somewhere the Doctor needed her too.

Missy knew that she was a horrible friend, and it never troubled her, but she also wouldn’t allow her Doctor to suffer in the hands of someone else.

And so, she carefully wiggled out of the Doctor’s grip, making sure that he was still fast asleep and felt herself taken back in time, acting like her past self, like Koschei, tucking him in the blankets.

“Good dreams, Doctor.” She whispered and crept out of the room.

Even the TARDIS was mostly cooperative, and it only took her five wrong paths to find the console room. Only, when she touched the console, the ship hissed at her.

“I’m not going to steal you, I only need my TARDIS, you ungrateful ship.”

She was too tired to argue with the Doctor’s ridiculous machine, carefully lowered her mental walls and gave the ship a peek in her head. “See?”

Missy was sure that it was only her intention to save this other version of the Doctor that made the TARDIS that cooperative, because she quietly hummed in agreement and allowed her to direct to the planet, where she left her own ship. Thankfully, this memory was still very much intact.

Once the TARDIS landed with her typical wheezing noise, Missy wondered if she had woken the Doctor. But before she could think about that, the door flew open. Alright, she was still an unwanted guest.

“Look after him.” The Mistress told the ship in a threatening voice and stepped out on the wet grass.

She was still barefoot, only wearing her pyjamas, but for once the Doctor’s TARDIS – who decided at this moment to dematerialise again – had brought her to the right place.

Missy looked at how the blue box disappeared before her eyes, before she walked toward her own ship, currently in the form of a native tree.

Her own TARDIS wasn’t as enthusiastic when she entered, wheezing in fear, but Missy only sighed. Rather an ungrateful ship than a ship that didn’t work probably.

Any yet that wasn’t anything she had the time to think about.

Instead, she pulled out the paper with the Doctor’s scribbled coordinates and removed the bandage again.

After that Missy surprised herself, that it didn’t take too long to fill in the gaps, leaving her with only a few options. And a quick elimination process with her TARDIS told her two places that made the most sense.

But a second look at the prison-asteroid was enough she needed to know.

“Oh, dear.”

And the memories came flooding back.


	3. theta

With the memories flooding her head, like water after a dam broke, all at sudden Missy had no time to lose.

The Doctor – her Doctor, but a _future_ Doctor – was sitting in a prison, accepting her fate for whatever stupid reason and, worst of all, obviously hated the Master with all her hearts.

With quick steps Missy walked to her wardrobe, pulling out her usual clothes and dressing in record time. She even did her makeup and made her hair – after all, she was sitting in a time machine, planning on breaking the first law in time. If she was honest with herself, she had all the time in the universe.

Her TARDIS hummed nervously. “Oh, don’t be a spoilsport.” She sighed.

Instead, her ship started to move on her own.

“What…? By Rassilon, what are you doing?”

Missy growled. It couldn’t be that her TARDIS copied the annoying traits of the Doctor’s box. She shouldn't have let them meet in the first place. And so, as fast as she had left the control room, she walked back to it. Odd things were happening, and she would have a serious talk with her ship. Now was not the time to test out her boundaries. 

Only that there was someone standing in the open doors, watching her with regret in his eyes.

Missy was in front of him in mere steps. “What do you think you’re doing?!”

The man gave her a smug smile and suddenly it occurred to her that he was very possible a Time Lord. Who else could move a TARDIS like that?

“What do you want this time?” Her voice was cold as ice. “Ask the Doctor, I’m not doing your dirty work.”

To Missy’s surprise, the man started laughing. It was a burst of desperate laughter, furious and panicky.

She raised an eyebrow, finally moving her eyes over his body. 

He was short, but still taller than her, even with heels, and his chosen clothes surprise her. _If_ he was a Time Lord, he actually seemed to be more than a marionette of the president. He wore plaid trousers and a waistcoat over a dark blue shirt. It suited the darkness he was radiating but brought his eyes out. And the jacket –

The Mistress froze, her eyes snapping back to the intruder’s face and all at once, it clicked. The man who looked at her with a far too familiar manic look in his eyes appeared to be exhausted and sick.

Missy twisted her mouth. Oh, she loved his jacket. She would kill for that jacket. And maybe one day she actually would.

She took another step until she reached the sad man and started to straighten his shirt.

“Oh my dear, you look like shit.”

The Master snorted tiredly.

“I won’t get insulted by _myself_.” He growled and left her TARDIS without another word. Typical. 

Missy sighed and followed her future-self. A part of her felt real worry. First the new Doctor, barely recognisable to her beloved Theta and now her future-self more broken than ever before. She wasn’t looking forward to _this_ future.

Missy left the Tardis and observed the Master while he stroked his beard with shaking fingers. She shook her head, sighing disappointedly.

“Oh, I see, we’ve had a downgrade. What a pity, I really enjoy being female.”

Then, the Mistress realised, where she was. Or what was left of it.

“Oh.” She whispered, staring at the ruins of Gallifrey. Emotions threatened to overwhelm her, everything, so fast so flickering that she couldn’t hold on to it. Surprise, pain, betray, relief, anger –

And yet – “It’s beautiful.” She whispered, admiration vibrating with every word. And yet, there were tears in her eyes.

“So beautiful.”

Missy started to cry silently, unseen tears running down her cheeks, watching the smoking remains of her home. It stung more than it should.

“Yes, yes, it is.” The Master said, but he was confused, his mind not really with her.

“But Koschei.” He flinched and Missy nearly bit her tongue. There had always been a reason why this name should remain unspoken. “All the children, we don’t murder children.”

“We freed them.”

Missy observed his exhausted face for a while, eyes squinted before she shook her head.

“Liar.”

“I am not!”

“Yes, you are. There’s more!”

The Master kicked the next stone, growling in anger.

“You’ll only ruin your shoes.”

Missy rolled her eyes at his murderous hiss towards her and let him punch the stone again. She knew her violent outbursts and all her future was doing was holding a mirror in front of her.

A part of her was disappointed. This body had finally learned to deal with anger a little bit better than her previous selves, but that precious little calmness seemed to be completely gone in her future.

Missy felt something awake in the pit of her stomach and she took a few fast steps and gripped the Master’s wrist hard until he turned his face towards her.

“What have you done to the Doctor?”

The Master hissed in anger. “Don’t you want to ask what she did to me?”

“Same thing, talk!”

All he did was to laugh. The Mistress shoved him to the ground where he landed with a pained hiss.

“What have you done?”

He growled, but the anger seemed to drain from him.

“What makes you think it was me?”

Missy bent down to look him in the eyes and chuckled darkly.

“Oh, Koschei, sweetheart, who else but us would be allowed to hurt her.”

Slowly, the Master came back to his feet. All the anger seemed drained from him. When he finally spoke, his voice sounded tired and as if he wasn’t actually talking to her. 

“Nothing… she’s just so much more than us.”

Missy furrowed her brow. “Don’t lie to yourself!”

“I am not. They… someone else hurt them. And now she’s so much more.”

“I’m sorry?” Missy shook her head. “They could never be _more._ And we would never allow someone to hurt them without consequences!”

The Master started to laugh that hard, that he sank back to the ground, tears of laughter all over his face, his body shaking with every new breath. Missy’s eyes wandered around the place that used to be her – hated or not – home.

“Oh.”

“You see, Missy. That’s why I needed to do it. That’s how it was always meant to be. The Doctor tries everything to save Gallifrey and we destroy it because the Time Lords never deserved their mercy.”

“I don’t understand.” She heard herself whispering, hearts suddenly pounding loud and hard against the inside of her chest. “What did you find?”

“Believe me, kiddo, you really don’t want to know.”

Missy felt anger starting to boil in her stomach. Nobody, not even himself, was allowed to order her around. “If I end up like _that_ ,” she looked at her future self with her most disgusted look, “then I demand to know how I ended up believing that _the Doctor_ is so much more than us.”

The Master shook his head, completely unaffected from her starting outburst.

“They’ve always been more. We’ve only haven’t realised it before.”

“Oh, don’t lie to yourself!” Missy growled in anger, because of the _nonsense_ this man – the Master! – was talking about. 

“I am not.” The Master explained with a calmness in his voice, that gave her hope, that a crumb of that self-control survived the regeneration. But she still snapped at him. 

“Yes, you are! Stupid little Theta, barely able to understand his potential without us, laughing when they are sad – how could they ever be more?!”

Her future eyes looked wet. “Oh, come one, you can talk to yourself!”

“Theta wasn’t real.” He finally said.

The Mistress raised an eyebrow. “I’m sorry dear?” Did they finally lose their mind completely? What a disappointing, despicable future. 

“Theta wasn’t real.” The Master repeated and sank back to the ground where he buried his face between his hands. Missy stared at him in confusion.

“Theta was never real and everything they ever said wasn’t real and… and…” His sadness changed suddenly as expected to anger. “Everything was a lie!” The Master howled, back on his feet, kicking the ruins in his reach.

“Everything was a fucking lie!” He was screaming now, and Missy could feel his pain as if it was her own. And it was. It was her own pain. Pain about something she hadn’t lived yet.

And it hurt more than everything she ever felt in her life. 

Even existing as a walking corpse hadn’t pained that much as all the things her future-self had discovered. Missy shook her head. Again and again and again and again.

“No!”

She would never accept a future like _that._ With another movement, she gripped the Master’s wrist and pushed against his consciousness until their mental realms crashed. Two minds which were but one collided all at sudden and the Master stubbled towards her until they the two Masters were holding each other – blue eyes meeting brown – and Gallifrey started to change around them.

The ruins started to rearrange themselves until they were flawless buildings, trees started to grow out of the ground until silver leaves hid them in the shadows. They were standing in the middle of a red field of grass and the citadel was behind them.

Missy took a step back, smiling.

“Now my dear, should we start?”

The Master barely had the time to look at her in horror before the Mistress moved her hand and everything obeyed her wishes.

_Imagine Time._

_Can you feel it? Floating around, fluctuating every moment of its existence. So many possibilities, so many choices, so many wrong paths._

_We took the wrong path that day on Gallifrey. Can you see it, dear?_

Missy could see it and she knew that her future self could, too. There he was, the Doctor, in his first body with his sad eyes and the pleading look, silently begging them to _leave Gallifrey. Come on Kosch, let’s go!_

_But they shook their head and watched as Theta walked away and the Doctor reappeared in his pain._

The Master's eyes were glowing and Missy could feel unshed tears in her eyes. She shook her head and blinked them away.

“The tragedy is, my dear, I still don’t regret it. Do you? Because I wish I would but deep down I already know that it will never change.”

The Master let out a short, broken giggle. “Oh, never my dear. We’ll never change.”

“Good!” She whispered, but to her horror, the Master looked broken, tired and sick and Missy took his hand and filled the dead planet around them back with life.

_Imagine Theta._

_Stupid little Theta with his beautiful eyes and that smile. I still dream of that smile._

_Me too, me too._

_I know dear. I will never stop,_ that _I can promise you._

They could see their first hours in the academy now. Sitting in their room, like eight-year-old Koschei had done, a room which would be their home for the next centuries.

_And there he was. Storming in the room talking and talking, ruffled hair and mud everywhere on his new uniform._

_Theta Sigma, the day they met him._

The world was shifting around the two Masters who were but one person longing for a little boy who _took Koschei's hand and showed them their world._

_“Every star in the universe and we’re going to see them all!” Theta promised, lying as always._

_They lay in the middle of a wide field and Theta rolled on his side smiling at Koschei, who turned around and kissed him._ Missy turned around, saw her future’s eyes and knew that he remembered the feeling too.

_Thetas lips which formed to a smile before he kissed them back and promised to_ never ever _leave them._

_Theta and Koschei got older. Less naïve. Or even more naïve. Because they still thought the width of the universe meant they could be together forever._

It turned out that the universe was nothing but their playground.

Their mind construct shattered around them when the Master pushed against it in a murderous rage. Missy barely had time to see the destruction of Gallifrey around them when her future-self shoved her to the ground and pinned her down with all his weight on her chest.

She couldn’t help but gasp for breath before her lips formed to a smile and the Mistress was giggling about the Master's well-known expression. His eyes were nearly closed even though his grip didn’t lose at all, while he bent down until he could touch her face with his own if he liked to.

“Missy, Missy, Missy, Missy.”

The Master closed his eyes in delight. “You know, I really considered keeping the name after regeneration.”

He stopped for a moment, eyes closed a thoughtful expression on his face. “But… I was so angry. The Doctor betrayed me. Left me to die after I gave her everything. I would have _died_ for her that day, but she left me to _rot.”_

Missy nodded in agreement even though she nearly dislocated her neck, as restrained as she was.

“I see… all the relief we felt, all the joy in life was again replaced by hatred.”

Her future self’s shining eyes were all the answers she needed.

“Oh dear, I’d hoped we could finally find some peace.”

“Never!”

Missy suppressed the urge to fall into the Master’s desperate laughter. She let him laugh for minutes, trying to understand what she was feeling. Whatever it was, it _hurt._

“Are you sure that’s what happened?” She whispered after a while and the Master’s outburst stopped abruptly. He stared at her with murder in his eyes and Missy tried to shrug her shoulders, a terrible feeling in her stomach. 

“Because I spoke with her… and she thinks we betrayed her.”

The Master snorted. “I bet she does after… after _Gallifrey_ ,” He spat the name of their planet.

But Missy shook her head.

“She was especially referring to _me._ For the first time, I feel that I should worry about my future. I don’t like where you ended.”

“I could kill you.” The Master whispered. “Erase us from existence. The Doctor will never know about the horrors that happened to her. And maybe, we would finally be free. Would you like that, Missy?”

“We’ll never be free, dear.” Missy whispered before she pulled her knee up and kicked him between the legs.

The Master collapsed on top of her with a howling and Missy grimaced in pain, a phantom of a future’s feeling hitting her hard.

“Oh, I forgot how much that hurts.”

Her next movement forced the Master on his back where he kept lying, not even trying to get up.

“Why did you send me to that prison, dear?” Missy asked, rearranging her ruffled hair.

The Master kept quiet.

“Because nobody but me would have been able to come that close to me to knock me out. And it’s not a coincidence that I landed in a cell next to the Doctor. More precise a Doctor out of our linear time. That doesn’t happen _by accident._ ”

The Master closed his eyes.

“So, tell me! What do you need _me_ for that you can’t do yourself?”

When he still didn’t respond, Missy pulled the Master upwards until they were looking each other in the eye.

“Say it!”

“Why do I need to admit it to _myself_?” He asked between gritted teeth.

“Because we never do. And I sometimes think a little truth with yourself won’t hurt.”

Missy knew that she was lying. Admitting the truth to herself was the worst pain she could go through.

“I told myself the truth before.” The Master said calmly. “I ended up being stabbed and shot in the back and the Doctor betraying me.”

“Still not sure, if you both got it wrong.” Missy snapped, but a part of her doubled up in fear of everything that would happen to her.

“I don’t know…” the Master started quietly all at sudden, “Maybe I wanted her to see me one final time. A me that doesn’t know the truth yet.”

Missy watched him with expectation.

“Whatever you saw, it doesn’t change anything! Nothing can change Theta.”

The Master closed his eyes, taking deep breaths.

“I love her.”

It wasn’t right to hear any Master admit these words to anyone – not even themselves. And yet Missy closed her eyes in delight and absorbed the sparkling feeling in her hearts until her lips formed to a smile.

“There you go, dear.”

She took a few steps until she was face to face with him.

“She won’t talk to me. Never again.”

Missy shook her head, chuckled and straightened the Master’s collar.

“Oh dear, watch me.”

And with these words, without a second look, she walked towards her Tardis, leaving a confused future behind.

Before the Mistress closed the door, she gave the Master one last grin.

“Don’t forget, my dear. I _am_ the Master.”

And the Master dematerialised her Tardis with the destination to escape a future she didn’t want to live at all cost.


	4. merciless

It wasn’t hard to find the Doctor’s TARDIS, neither was it to materialise her own TARDIS around her. Only when Missy tried to open the door the Doctor’s beloved companion was making a fuss.

“Oh, come on!” Missy hissed and tried again only to receive a stroke that sent her stumbling in her own console.

“You stupid excuse of a time and space capsule, you should have stayed in the museum.” She growled and decided to leave that annoying _beast_ to her own Time Lord.

And so, it came that two TARDISes and a Time Lady landed in the hated prison to free a fellow renegade.

They landed in the corridor before the cells and Missy walked straight away to where she knew the Doctor’s cell was. Thankfully, she only met two guards and they barely had the chance to blink twice before their bodies crumbled to the floor.

The Mistress pranced around the corpses, opened the heavy door to the corridors with the cells and walked determined towards where she knew her beloved friend would be.

She could only hope that the Doctor would be at least a little bit more polite than last time. Knowing them, she probably wouldn’t though.

Missy mentally prepared herself for a possible temper throwing Doctor when she silently opened the door. But the prisoner in the cell didn’t even turn around when Missy entered and stopped in the middle of the small room. 

But her friend’s whole body was radiating despite it, as if she instinctively prepared herself to fight. She was staring out of the small window, with her back to Missy who could only see the mop of blond hair. 

Finally, the woman in front of her seemed to have enough of a stranger staring at her back and turned around, eyes fixed to the ground.

“Hello, Doctor.”

Her friend’s eyes snapped towards her and in a moment the emptiness was replaced with that much anger, that Missy barely had the time to take a proper look at her new body, besides stepping away when the Doctor lunged for her.

Instead, she nearly collided with the wall, gripping for Missy who took hold of the Doctor’s wrists in a swift motion and forced them away from her face.

“Hello Missy, it’s so nice to meet you. Thanks for freeing me. Oh, of course, Doctor, why wouldn’t I?” Missy tried, not believing that the Doctor was up for fun – and got kicked in the shin. 

“Great.” She growled but her friend had only just started. 

The Doctor was screaming and kicking, and Missy was struggling not to lose her hold on her. 

“Stop that nonsense!”

Missy _really_ considered shoving the Doctor against the wall and coldly knocking her out — but her hair looked far too nice to be ruined with blood. Never mind that the Doctor wouldn’t be too keen to speak with her with the following headache. And she would have to carry her to her TARDIS…

Well, that might even be easier than this struggling nonsense the Doctor was putting on. Or she could —

“Doctor, love, look at me!”

But all she did was try to bite Missy.

“Oh, you fucking bitch.”

This time she shoved the Doctor’s head against the wall and her friend growled in anger.

“Look. At. Me.”

Missy held her chin until the unfamiliar eyes found hers. Green eyes with a sparkle towards hazel, currently full of hatred. She still looked like Theta.

“Doctor dear…” she started to stroke her hair and her friend tried to wiggle out of her grip, screaming in frustration when her struggles didn’t succeed.

“You should really do something with your hair. Your head looks like a bird’s nest.” Missy sighed and caught the Doctor’s hand before she could reach her throat.

“Stop that nonsense love, or did you forget, _I am the Master and you will obey me!”_

The Doctor went slack in her arms.

“My dear, was that really necessary?”

Of course, the Doctor didn’t answer. Actually, it had been nearly too easy to hypnotise her. But a well-placed nudging on her mind showed her that her friend was deeply in trance and absolutely under her control.

Disappointing. Missy had at least suspected more of a struggle.

“Well, come on then, dear. Let’s get you out of these rags.”

Missy pretended to look away, but was actually peeking through her hands, while the Doctor slipped blankly into the simple pyjamas that she had given her. She had considered giving her a nightgown, but then again, she could tell for sure that this wouldn’t improve the Doctor’s temper.

Thinking about it, Missy should probably be glad that she first saw the Doctor in the prison clothes, knowing her friend’s style, she would for sure look like a total idiot in her never-changing outfit.

What a pity with a body like that. But that was usually the problem with the Doctor. 

“Doctor, come here, dear.”

Her friend stumbled towards her, but this time Missy could see a fighting spirit behind the dullness of her eyes. Finally, she started to struggle. 

“I bet you’re not in for a civil conversation.” She sighed at the way the Doctor just stared at her with a slack expression, but she could swear that her eyes were glowing with anger. 

“That’s what I thought, dear. Doctor, lay down.”

This time Missy knew for sure that the Doctor’s subconscious was fighting because she had to push her in the direction, while it seemed as if she was losing control of her legs.

“Good girl, give me your hands.”

Missy wasn’t in the mood to hold a struggling Doctor down and possibly get even more bruises just to get the minimal chance to have a civil conversation, so she tied her hands to the bed frame while her friend started to nervously roll to her sides, suddenly obviously nervous about the restriction.

Missy patted her head, barely holding herself back to kiss her. She looked adorable with the sparkling in her eyes. 

“Wakey, wakey, Theta.”

Snap. And the peace shattered as fast as the trance. 

Because of course, the Doctor gave her no warning and immediately tried to jolt upwards. Her eyes were gazing through the room, found Missy and she gritted her teeth and made a sound that could only be described as hissing.

“Morning, sunshine.”

“MISSY!” The Doctor growled, pulling at the restraints, but Missy only sighed exaggeratedly.

“Untie me. NOW!”

She shook her head with a smug smile. “Don’t think so, dear.”

The Doctor growled again and pulled that hard on her restraints that she would for sure keep marks. 

“Doctor –”

To her horror, the Doctor broke down in tears.

“Stop that, Doctor!” Missy felt a bad feeling creeping up her stomach. “Doctor!” She roared again but her friend only started to scream and drowned Missy out with her wailing.

“Will you stop now!”

Missy gripped the Doctor’s shoulders, but she only used it to kick her in her belly with her knee. 

She hissed in pain, nearly falling on her screaming friend and for a moment she considered strangling the Doctor until she would stop that nonsense.

She was the Mistress, for heaven’s sake!

But another of the Doctor’s pained screams remembered her, what she was actually supposed to do. That something was terribly wrong with the Doctor who never stopped caring, kindness in their hearts. 

“Alright.” Missy took a deep breath and rearranged her hair. But she still couldn’t stand it, not like _this_. “Have it your way, Doctor. I won’t talk to you if you make such a noise.”

Without giving her another look, she turned around, left the room and closed the door behind her. As soon as the Doctor realised that she was leaving, she started screaming even louder, and the Mistress could swear that her crying had changed into broken sobs.

Alright, she was still a horrible person. Nothing new.

But that knowledge didn’t help much while she had to listen to the Doctor’s desperate sobs. The screams had stopped, and Missy was cursing her future self for breaking _her Doctor_ like that. That was far beyond their usual acts. 

Nobody was allowed to do that to her, not like that. Not even herself.

With murderous thoughts for her future-self, Missy paced up and down the corridor while the Doctor’s sobs changed to barely audible crying. She had never been able to let Theta cry on their own.

She counted to ten (tried to – and caught herself repeating the rhythm of the drums twice) then, she opened the door and entered the most dignified as possible. Not that it was hard with the Doctor as concurrence.

The Doctor looked pathetic. Tears and snot all over her face, with such an emptiness in her eyes.

It scared the Mistress more than she would ever admit to see her friend like that. So helpless and vulnerable, not like her bouncing best friend.

Silently she sat on the edge of the bed, carefully watching the Doctor who was still quietly crying, her eyes not focusing on Missy. She sat there for a minute before she slowly reached forward and started to caress the Doctor’s hair.

Her friend flinched hard and went stiff under her touch when Missy didn’t withdraw her hand.

“Hard to believe, but I’m actually happy to see you, Doctor.”

The Doctor tried to hide a sob. “I don’t know what I’m going to do to you, dear, but you can at least talk to me, don’t you think?” 

The Doctor stared blankly ahead. “Whatever I did to you, I haven’t done it yet, dear. Be fair.”

Her friend swallowed hard and more tears ran over her face. Missy pulled a handkerchief out of her pocket and wiped most of the mess away. The Doctor remained motionless under her touch.

“I saw Gallifrey.” Missy started eventually, her voice still incredible calm. The Doctor started to shake regardless. “Don’t you think it’s beautiful, love?”

The Doctor let out a scream that reminded the Mistress that this fragile-looking woman was a _warrior_ and lunged for her. Of course, the restraints would have stopped her anyway, but she pressed her to the bed before she could chafe the skin of her wrists.

“Hush now, Theta.” The Mistress whispered and could feel the Doctor’s rapidly beating hearts.

“I just want to talk. You can’t usually close that beautiful mouth of yours, now would be the perfect time to open it.”

The Doctor was crying again, but the steely look in her eyes gave her a much more terrifying look than she would ever be aware of.

“Master.” She said eventually, but the way she spat out Missy’s chosen name made it sound more like an insult than anything else. Not that she could remember that _her_ Doctor called her this ever before. For him, she had always ever been _Missy_.

Nevertheless, she smiled smugly at her. “Doctor.” She indicated to make a bow.

“Why should I talk to you. You ruined my life.”

Missy sighed. “Don’t be so dramatic, my dear. Your life was ruined the moment you decided to see the universe instead of taking your appropriate place in Time Lord society. Even worse. You threw your birthright away.”

To her surprise, the Doctor was laughing. “Last time I met you, you told me something different.”

“Blah, blah.” Missy mocked. “You mean that sad-looking future me who insisted that you’re _so much more_?” The Doctor flinched again but continued staring at her. “Thought so. Well, let me tell you, love. He’s a drama queen.”

Missy could see that the Doctor’s corners of the mouth started to twitch.

“Don’t take him too seriously. I mean, Doctor, are you serious. You _know_ me. And I know you.”

“That’s what I thought.” The Doctor wore her sad face again and Missy sighed because, honestly, she couldn’t cope with this expression on a face where she wanted to discover so much more than sadness. 

Time to change that. 

“Because _I know you,_ I knew, that you would be too busy with your anger at me to realise, that these ties are rubbish.”

This time the Doctor was staring at her.

“Oh, come on, dear. If I really wanted to restrain you there were much more convenient ways.”

With an airy movement of her hand, she untied the Doctor’s left hand while her friend finally realised what she was dealing with and managed to wiggle her other hand free herself.

As expected, she just kept staring at her.

“Just because you expect something doesn’t mean that’s the actual truth.”

“Truth is subjective.” The Doctor protested with a hoarse voice.

“I see, a swot as always. Do you know what my truth tells me?” She grinned in the Doctor’s fearful eyes, but the words she spoke were gentle. “It tells me that you’re in desperate need of a hug.”

The Doctor squeaked in protest, but Missy ignored her and pulled the thin woman close to her own body. The gentle touch left her shuddering with a feeling that was so hard to name. 

“How could you let yourself go like that?” Missy asked quietly, her face buried in the Doctor’s hair. She smelled of sweat and dirt but under all that, she could still detect Theta’s usual scent.

Finally, the Doctor started to relax in her embrace and moved her head until she buried her face in the crook of Missy’s neck.

“I wished it would have been true.” She mumbled and Missy had no idea what she was talking about.

She kept quiet, allowing the Doctor to finally calm down completely in her arms. But her friend didn’t seem to stop thinking about this one topic, not even thinking, that whatever she was talking about hadn’t happened to Missy yet.

“Just once… I wished you could have stopped your games.”

Missy furrowed a brow. The Doctor’s silent mumbling reminded her of the angry and still so desperate words of her future self.

“Maybe not all of it was a lie.” She guessed carefully but her friend only started to laugh and pulled herself back out of her arms.

“Yeah. Of course.” She shook her head. “Forget it. You have no idea what I mean. And I shouldn’t even talk about it with you.”

Missy grinned weakly. “As if Theta Sigma ever cared for the rules.”

To her surprise that wasn’t making her smile, instead a dark emptiness filled the Doctor’s eyes, such a desperate cry for _something,_ that Missy swallowed hard.

_“Theta wasn’t real”_ The Master’s words – _her_ future words – ghosted through her mind and this time she definitely had the need to run away from her future.

“Doctor,” She cleared her throat “You should take a shower, you reek.”

_That_ drew a smile from her.

“Two weeks in prison do that.”

Missy snorted, even though she instantly knew that the Doctor was lying. It had been much longer for her than she would admit. Missy only wondered who she was keeping the truth from: herself or Missy? 

“You could have escaped any time you wanted. Blame yourself!”

But the Doctor only rolled her eyes, topic done for her and stormed out of the room, straight to the control room as if she _knew_ her stupid TARDIS was there. Missy followed her hectically before her dear friend would decide to disappear in a usual Doctor-manner. 

“Oh, my Old Girl.” Missy heard her mumble and just entered to see the Doctor pressing her face to the doors. She pretended to retch. “Don’t start!”

But this inappropriate greeting was already over, and instead of giving Missy another look, the Doctor only had eyes for the doors that had given Missy multiple strokes but now opened without another word.

The Mistress cursed and had to sprint toward the stupid box before she could slam the doors. 

“Doctor, you don’t run away like that!” She called after her and blocked the door with the nearest item – a strangely coloured umbrella – before she tried to follow the Doctor into the depth of that stupid ship.

But of course, now she had to fight through a labyrinth of endless corridors without a single trace of the Doctor.

Typical.

“Can you finally come over the whole paradox-machine-Eye-Of-Harmony-nonsense?” The Mistress asked the nearest wall in annoyance.

“It was you who _ate me_. You swallowed me without a single thought of our poor Doctor. I’m sure that makes us even.”

The Tardis hissed at her and the corridor got even darker than before.

“Great.” Missy groaned to herself. “Theta couldn’t have stolen _any other_ TARDIS?”

This time a door slammed right into her face. “Oh, come on! Why don’t you take the gravity away as well?”

Five minutes later, Missy regretted ever trying to talk some sense into the stubborn Tardis.

In the end, it was the Doctor who found her sitting on the floor of a room without a single door. Or any furniture. The TARDIS was telling her a very clear message. But the Mistress wasn’t listening anyway. 

“Missy?” The Doctor asked and walked right through the _wall_ , before the door came flickering back to life. 

Stupid ship. Not that the Tardis behaviour played any role now that she saw the Doctor’s newest catastrophic achievement. 

“No, Doctor, no! Just – no!” The Mistress sighed. As expected, but she still had had the hope, that just once - “What have I done this time?” Her friend asked with a frown. 

Instead of an answer, Missy let her eyes examine the Doctor's stunning body, that was currently defaced with a ridiculousness nobody, but the Doctor could ever achieve. 

Because there she stood, in too short trousers that Missy didn’t want to imagine wearing on a snowy day and the most neon braces she had seen in a while. Her eyes wandered to her upper body and she sighed. 

“I see, your style hasn’t improved this regeneration, either.” 

“My style is perfectly fine!” The Doctor protested, but Missy just nodded at the blue shirt with the rainbow and sighed. 

“And I thought celery was bad.”

“ _Celery?_ I had a reason for –” Missy snorted. “Yes dear, I _know.”_ She stood up and walked toward the Doctor, slowly straightening her coat. “Oh, and I see, your inner pinstripe-self is showing.” 

But this time she caught herself smiling warmly. The Doctor saw it too and her frown deepened. 

“Why are you smiling? Do I need to worry?”

And suddenly Missy was reminded they were only having some kind of a fragile truce. She could hardly tell that woman that she smiled because she remembered her as a young boy, choosing the most ridiculous clothes and walking around with a confidence Koschei had admired him for. 

As Koschei, it had been so easy to accept the love she felt for the only important person in her life. 

But instead of an honest answer, Missy snorted. “Any chances I get you out of this tasteless thing you call a coat?” 

Of course, the Doctor needed to protest. “I like that coat!” And the way she crossed her arms reminded her of a tantrum-throwing child. 

“I guessed that much.” 

“Are you done harassing me?” The Doctor asked, and she didn’t need her last body's cross eyebrows to make her point. 

“Oh, actually I only started. By the way, do you intend that I can see your neck?” Missy grinned smugly at her.

The Doctor’s tense arms loosened and for a moment Missy wasn’t sure if she would snap at her or roll her eyes. 

But she didn’t do either of them. Instead, her gaze flickered to the ground and she blushed. The Doctor _blushed_. She was adorable. 

And for a moment these honest words nearly left her mouth before Missy reminded herself, that she was _the Mistress_. She took another step towards the Doctor who raised her gaze. For a second their eyes met before neither of them could hold the suddenly so intimate stare. 

“Doctor?” Missy heard herself asking with a gentle tone.

“Hmm?” 

“Would you do me the favour and dance with me?” 

Her eyes snapped back up, bafflement so obvious. Like a child, surprised because they got an unexpected present. That wasn’t a bad sign, was it? 

“I’m sorry, but what?”

“Dancing, dear. You remember?” And suddenly Missy’s tone was back to mocking because otherwise, she wouldn’t be able to express her next words. “Like we did at that boring party. You braided a crown of flowers, walked into the hall and right through a gathering of Time Lords with such confidence, put that crown on my head and danced with me through the room.”

A small smile appeared on the Doctor’s face. “You liked flowers.” She said calmly, as if that would explain everything. But Missy was already smiling. “I still do.” 

She took a slow step back and offered her hand “Now, my dear. May I have the pleasure of a dance?”

As if to underline her words music started to fill the room and she raised an eyebrow. “Why is she that nice to me, _now_?”

The Doctor shrugged her shoulders, but the smile was still on her face. “Probably her gratitude for your repairs.”

“Repairs? On this old piece of junk? Me?”

“Forget it.” 

But when the Doctor finally took Missy’s hand, fingers carefully brushing each other, she couldn’t help but think that the Tardis helped her, because she wanted to see her pilot as happy as Missy wanted.

Missy pulled the Doctor closer, carefully guiding her hands over her body until they were holding each other in a way that had always been too intimate on Gallifreyan parties – but neither of them had ever cared.

“Dance with me, dear.” She said gently, when the Doctor remained still despite the joyful music.

“No, Missy, I can’t –” She protested with sudden desperation, but this time Missy didn’t let her continue. “Hush now, Doctor, do what your Master is telling you.”

The Doctor’s corner of the mouth started to twitch, and Missy blew a kiss at her. The Doctor blushed.

“Oh, my dear.” This time Missy kissed her properly. The Doctor froze under the sudden touch, suddenly starting to breathe erratically.

She pulled away.

“I’m sorry, Doctor.”

The woman in the rainbow shirt just lowered her eyes, mumbling something unintelligible.

An uncomfortable silence spread between them. To pull them both out of this embarrassing situation, Missy started to spin them around the room, slowly at first, with bodies that didn’t quite know how to move with each other. 

But it didn’t take long before the Doctor took over, freed herself out of the tight embrace, took Missy’s hand, and then somehow, they ended up circling through the room, only connected with their joined hand.

It felt as if the time stopped moving, all the minutes tickling down the back of her mind forgotten. All Missy could see was the Doctor’s flushed cheeks, her hair waving around her face, eyes wide with joy. And most importantly, she was smiling. And it felt like the first honest smile since they had met. 

She looked so beautiful even _with_ her stupid clothes and Missy remembered that she had always loved Theta because of their stupid style. That and many other things. 

Suddenly she was laughing, pulling backwards to give them even more speed. The music in the background became indistinct and all that remained was the Doctor and her sparkling eyes.

It was as if they were back at that party. Missy could feel the weight of her flower crown on her head and the heavy formal robes she was wearing. She could easily see the young Theta in the blonde Doctor in front of her.

The Mistress wondered if the Doctor saw her as the carefree man she had once been, too. Deep inside she hoped her friend did. And if only to remind her, that their past _did_ mean something.

Theta in her memories nodded barely noticeable.

A good-looking young man, with bright eyes. He had started that evening with his formal robes, but during the hours Theta had shed one layer after another. Now he was spinning around the room, only in his underclothing, trousers and shirt, a scarf loosely wrapped around his neck, but Missy still remembered how she had seen his collar bone, blushing at Theta’s sheer brazenness.

The Doctor’s laughter drew her back to the present. Back to that centuries-old woman who could never stop being Theta. And not only because she was wearing a shirt that exposed her whole neck, not because she looked at her the same way they had done all their life, but because she was still forgiving the Master.

And suddenly the weight of the reality came crashing back towards her. Because the Doctor _clearly hadn’t_ forgiven her for whatever she was going to do to her. And even if she could do that, somehow, there was no way of forgiving her for the destruction of Gallifrey.

Missy wondered what knowledge her future-self had found to push him that much over the edge, that he would risk losing Theta. But then again, a man who thought his best friend never existed had nothing to lose.

“Missy?”

It took her a while to realise that they were now circling slowly around the room, the Doctor was close again, one hand on her waist.

She forced herself to smile.

“Yes, Doctor?”

Instead of answering, her friend took her hands and guided them until she was mirroring the Doctor's hand on her body while the other remained gentle but firm lattice of their fingers.

Missy wondered when the Doctor had taken the leading position.

Not that she was complaining. It felt peaceful to stand that close to the Doctor, that she could feel her beating hearts and the shallow breaths on her face.

She remembered her future-self’s love confession, unheard by the Doctor and wondered if her friend could still recall the whispered words of her past-self before Koschei had started to place kisses all over Theta’s face.

And while Missy thought about days that would never repeat, she was grateful for the Doctor’s body pressed against her own, moving with the rhythm of the song.

That way it was easy to forget that she most likely had lost her friend forever.

She took control again until neither of them was leading and all they did was dance to the slow music and Missy was looking into the Doctor’s face who returned the look and all she could see was the soft green with the hazel sparkles in them. 

And yet, it was still Theta who looked back at her - young and innocent and understanding. And still very much her friend. 

It was as if they were back at this party – dancing, as if nothing but them counted. As if the whole universe was spinning around Theta and Koschei, with all the wonders still waiting for them. 

Suddenly Missy couldn’t bear that reminder of a lost past. She wanted to run, to run until she left the Doctor behind and – she pulled her arms up and wrapped them even closer around the Doctor, pressing their foreheads together. 

If the Doctor was surprised about the sudden change of position, she didn’t show it. And neither of them tried to make psychic contact but the touch alone – and that the Doctor allowed it – told something entirely on its own. Skin on skin, something so intimate on Gallifrey that Time Lords learned to cover their whole body in fear of an unintended brush of two unguarded minds. 

The Doctor moved her lips, and it took Missy a moment to realise that she had said something. She stared at her mouths and then moved her gaze up to look the Doctor in her eyes.

She looked insecure and terrified.

“Doctor?” Missy asked quietly, suddenly terrified herself of whatever her friend wanted to tell her.

She moved them around, fast this time, concentrating on the feeling of time stretching around them. Their meeting was wrong, and time knew it too. As if to prove a point, their steps reversed back to the slow swinging around until they stopped completely. 

Just standing there, seeing each other. Both women looked in eyes that mirrored an unspeakable fear, and maybe for the first time since they had met in that prison cell, _saw_ each other.

“I forgive you.” The Doctor whispered.

The words struck Missy like a punch in the face. She opened her mouth in total surprise only to find warm lips pressed on her own.

The Doctor wasn’t moving, but her mind carefully brushed against Missy’s.

_I forgive you!_ She whispered in her mind again and Missy could feel the truth in her words as well as all the pain and self-hatred that followed after that statement.

And yet she repeated it.

_I forgive you._

__


	5. unspeakable

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And the circle closes...

The thin film of sweat that covered the two women served as a gentle reminder to the Mistress that she was actually holding _the Doctor_ in her arms. After she had seen Gallifrey and what she was going to do to it, it felt like a dream.

Missy was still caressing the Doctor’s hair as her friend finally drifted off to sleep. The time in the prison and everything that had followed afterwards must have exhausted her more than she had shown.

The Mistress wouldn’t sleep.

She was going to watch her friend’s relaxed face, reminding herself how lucky she was to have the trust of the woman who should hate her more than anyone.

But as much as she found her peace, snuggled against the Doctor’s naked body, it wasn’t this self of her that needed their best friend back.

And she would be damned if she wouldn’t do anything in her power to change it.

Of course, the Doctor was totally against the prospect of meeting the Master in linear order.

“No!” She growled at Missy as soon she had heard the words. “Why would I want to do that?”

The truth was, Missy couldn’t answer that question, because there wasn’t a single reason that would excuse her actions.

But the Doctor never cared for that.

“Why would you ever forgive me?”

The Doctor made a sound that resembled an angry hiss. “You’re the most egotistic person I _ever_ met.” She said eventually. “Who else would _go back in time_ to fix their relationship.”

Missy grinned. “Oh, come on, dear, you’re acting as if you’re surprised. I can’t remember a time when either of us ever actually cared for the first law of time.”

The Doctor threw an angry look at her, only to sigh a few moments later.

“You’re right.” She mumbled, barely audible, as if the words weren’t even meant for Missy’s ears. 

“And the worst part is… I think I can somehow understand why you did what you did to Gallifrey. In your confused mind, it seemed to make sense. Or at least that’s what I hope. But you’ll betray me much worse and instead of talking with me about it you leave me to die and destroy our home!”

Missy took the liberty to take a few deep breaths. The Doctor’s words stung. 

And it wasn’t because she was still naked, only covered with a thin blanket while the Doctor hadn’t lost much time after waking up, wiggling out of Missy’s embrace before she started dressing herself. 

But Missy forced the sinking feeling away and answered her calmly. “Maybe that’s not what happened.” 

The Doctor laughed bitterly. “I thought you saw Gallifrey.”

“No, not Gallifrey… but whatever I’m going to do to you is equivalent to leaving you to die. I don’t think that’s what happened.”

The Doctor snorted. “Do you, now?”

The Mistress reflected the look in her eyes. “Yes, I do. Can you honestly see me, leaving you to _die_?”

The Doctor opened her mouth as if to disagree with Missy, as she always did, only to stop in mid-movement. Maybe because she could hear the utter truth in her words. 

Suddenly Missy froze, wondering if that statement had the same impact as the impossible to ever say love confession.

Finally, the Doctor spoke again, barely more than a whisper: “So, what’s your plan then?”

When the TARDIS landed with her typical wheezing sound on Gallifrey, Missy could already imagine smelling the smoke through the closed door.

It was late evening. The first sun had already gone down, and the second one would shortly follow. The Doctor took a shuddering breath.

“That’s the stupidest plan you ever had. And that means something!”

Missy gave her a grin. “Yeah, sure dear.”

The Doctor was still hesitating and so was Missy. She knew that it would end here. And she had no control over the outcome. At least not that her. But all she felt was relief. And the stupid temptation to forget it.

Forget all the pain she would feel. All the sorrow and _anger._ Anger, she had thought would finally calm down, just a bit.

But she was allowed to be a coward – not because of the first law of time, but because the Mistress could be a dreamer, too. She had never been dreaming about a perfect world – even Koschei had known that all the places in the universe brought nothing but pain with him as the creator – but even a monster could dream of friendship.

Of a weird boy named Theta. Even when she dreamed of stabbing his hearts. He would hold her anyway.

“Doctor,” Missy said with a firm voice. “We still need to do something.”

And then she guided her friend’s hands to her temples, ignoring the Doctor’s surprised look.

“But…” And her friend – because she still _was_ her friend – stared at her in shock. “You’re _afraid_.” 

Missy saw no point in denying it, the Doctor could feel it anyway, with her trembling fingers on her forehead. And suddenly, the flicker of anger was back in the Doctor’s eyes. _Coward!_ Her mind whispered, but she pressed her lips to a thin line.

Missy shook her head. _I know, dear. Just do it._

The Doctor looked hurt but nodded eventually. “When?” She asked with a steely voice.

“As soon as I leave.”

This time, the Doctor laughed. “ _How_. The planet is _dead._ ”

“Modified Vortex Manipulator. And my TARDIS comes back to me eventually. Clever girl, hey?”

The Doctor rolled her eyes, but Missy could feel the sparkle of a smile.

“Clever girl, Missy.” She whispered, but sounded sad. “Clever girl.”

And without further warning, fast as a dart, a familiar mind nudged at doors until Missy allowed her to enter, fiddling with memories until the TARDIS around them became blurry.

She staggered when the Doctor pulled back, but to her surprise her friend’s hands caught her.

“Sure you know how that works?” Missy asked breathlessly.

“You’ll see. Why don’t we ask you?”

The spell of their brutal intimacy broke all at sudden as if the balloon around them finally popped with a loud bang.

“I would rather not, dear.” And because she might never get the chance again while having that body, she leaned forward, grateful for her heels, and placed a gentle kiss on the Doctor’s cheek.

Her friend looked as if she had just been stabbed.

“Goodbye Doctor.”

The Doctor opened her mouth and looked like a fish, robbed of water, but the Mistress placed a finger on her lips.

She forced herself to smile.

And then the Doctor walked towards the doors, hesitating, but only because Missy knew about the anger bubbling in her guts; anger she knew far too well. She turned around, mouth trying to form the sad imitation of a smile. 

“Missy.” The Doctor whispered and pushed the doors open.

And Missy was glad, she had used that name, for once seeing her, the Doctor’s friend – not the scared child that the Doctor liked to connect with her chosen name. 

But that was not her mission to change, not now. 

The Master jumped up, staring at the Doctor in shock. Missy realised that the brown eyes carried an expression of perpetual mourning, and was grateful that she wouldn’t see those eyes again – not without a mirror.

But for now, she stayed staring at herself, a future that could shatter everything that meant something to her, or hold it forever, swearing to protect the remains.

He looked like a scared and wild animal, and Missy couldn’t resent his feelings, she would feel – was feeling – the same way with a Doctor, trembling with anger, walking towards them.

The idiot grinned smugly at her, all sad eyes and a childish satisfaction.

The Doctor could have slapped him; in her eyes he deserved much, much worse. But instead, she did another unspeakable sin and pulled the Master in her arms.

He was as shocked as Missy felt, arms limp at the Doctor’s side, fingers twitching in fear. But the Master was never stopped by fear. And finally, his uncertain arms wrapped around the Doctor, pulling her closer until they looked like a single being.

They didn’t speak a word.

When Missy activated her Vortex Manipulator, knowing that this would trigger her temporary memory loss, she couldn’t help but be relieved. That was a destiny she didn’t want to think about, let her future self deal with all the feelings. It was only fair.

Missy gave them a last look.

The Doctor and the Master were still hugging. They looked like a statue, motionless in the stillness around them. As if they felt her gaze, slowly the tangled bodies separated again, and the construct of unity finally shattered.

But then, two hands found each other, Missy could see the hesitation, and yet neither one shied away. Finally. The Mistress activated the Vortex manipulator, getting pulled away from the moment, beautiful as a painting.

The Doctor and the Master, hand in hand, walked towards the second sunset. Gallifrey was theirs.

Missy stumbled over her feet, hectic gaze wandering over the place.

By Rassilon – what the hell?!

Not only did she have no idea how she got here and what she had been doing only seconds before, but she was surrounded by a bunch of angry looking cavemen.

Great. Whatever had brought her in this situation – that couldn’t be much worse.

It turned out it could.

Hypnosis didn’t work that well over war cries and the feeling of being the prey was something Missy didn’t want to get used to.

Back to primitive means, it seemed. Frustrating. But before the Mistress managed to sink her blade in the attacking man’s abdomen strong hands pulled her back and she flinched in surprise.

“Missy!” growled a voice right into her ear.

Another unintended flinch followed by a small grin. She wiggled out of the man’s far too loose grip – which told her everything she needed to know, just as the familiar telepathic press to her mind.

“Doctor!” She answered cheerful, turning around to give him a wide grin.

The Doctor didn’t look amused at all. To be honest, he looked as if he would hand Missy over to those barbarians who had tried to murder her.

So, it was probably a good thing, that all of them immediately saw the Doctor as their new enemy.

“Better start running, dear.” Missy grinned even wider and started to sprint.

The Doctor followed after a short argument with the natives, only to run for his life. “Wrong direction, Missy. This way!”

Somehow, this felt like an amazing day.

Back inside the Doctor’s TARDIS, somehow, they were laughing so hard, that both of them together barely managed to pilot the ship back in the Vortex.

Missy couldn’t believe her luck, the Doctor didn’t seem in the mood to lecture her on her behaviour. Instead, all she got was a disappointed look, which wasn’t effective because he was still trying to stop his giggling.

“Hmm, Doctor?” Missy asked

“Yes?”

“I’m just glad I’ve got you.” The words burst out of her without the knowledge of why and Missy nearly covered her mouth in shock about the honesty.

The Doctor’s giggle died. “What’s that about?” He asked with his usual cross voice. Missy rolled her eyes, smiling a bit.

“Just – shut up.”

The Doctor raised an eyebrow and Missy giggled. She felt the stupid need to hug this man for eternity, being grateful for the kindness in his eyes. Instead, she opened her mouth again.

“Doctor, I -” _love you_.

But her bodies had stopped using these words regenerations ago. The Doctor cocked his head, looking at Missy with old eyes. But for once he understood.

“Me too.” The Doctor whispered and that was all the Master would ever need.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **AN END AND A BEGINNING**
> 
> There might be another illustration, but I'll post another chapter if that's the case so that you'll know.  
>  Thank you so much for following this journey together with me! It was such a joy to write this story and it is so great to see the responses it got!  
>  I would love to hear your thoughts :)


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